It’s confession time. One of the worst-kept secrets about me is that I tend to be a little bit… blunt. I don’t have a lot of tact and sometimes struggle to understand how exactly what I said was offensive. I also tend to be passionate and vocal (you might call it highly opinionated) on a number of topics. Additionally, I have a hard time seeing past “the right way” to do something. When I’ve done my research and I know the decision I’m making is the safest, wisest, most educated decision for the average person (not for everybody, but for most people), I tend to get a little judgy when people haven’t done their research and make the “wrong” decision.
That combination is not always a winning one, as I’m sure you can imagine.
I know that sometimes this prevents people from hearing what I’m saying. Or it leads to unintended offense. That is never my goal.
This is especially true when it comes to childbirth. I believe the healthiest, safest and most fulfilling way for the average mom to have a baby is drug free and the healthiest, safest and most fulfilling place for the average mom/baby is at home. If you disagree with me, that’s ok, but you better have a good reason based on good education and information (I feel like I there’s an implied “or else” at the end of that sentence… not what I intend!).
I am especially passionate about this subject and I’m going to talk specifically to my pregnant friends now.
What happens during childbirth are some of the most critical things that can ever happen in the lives of a mother and her baby. It is possible that that time-frame is the single most crucial in their lives. It frustrates me to no end that in our society birth is seen as something to be endured and feared and that doctors and nurses in our medical-industrial complex have never seen a natural, normal childbirth, are so trained to see pathology that they cannot just let birth happen and that the average doctor and nurse cannot be relied upon to give accurate information. I don’t necessarily blame them. That’s just the system that’s in place. More than that, I am frustrated that as women we do not do more research, ask more questions and take control of this event.
Women should understand – YOU should understand – that childbirth is at least as important as your wedding day. You put hundreds of hours into planning the day you get married. Why would you not put in as much time planning for the day you bring life into the world?
I want for you and every woman in the world to have the kind of childbirth experience I had. It was lovely. It was wonderful. It was amazing. I can’t wait to do it again. And it wasn’t that way just at the end.
Next time there are things I might change a little bit (like being at work for most of my labor), but I have very little I could complain about. Most of Monkey’s birth was indescribably amazing.
So I hope you don’t take offense if I ask you about your birth plans. Or if I make a suggestion that feels a little bit pushy. I’m really not trying to be obnoxious.
I want for you what I had: a happy, healthy baby and a happy, healthy momma free from birth trauma or drama. I want for you to have a peaceful, empowering, pain-free, comfortable, spiritual, powerful birth.
So, I don’t mean to be pushy, but have you thought about the experience you want? Do you know how to have that experience? If not, please do. Take charge of your birthing experience. This is too important to just let it happen to you.
– – – I don’t usually do this, but I want to dedicate this post to the wonderful women in whose footsteps I walk. Mom, I love you so much! Thanks for doing it differently. In so many ways, I owe you for the freedom I have to choose something different myself. Katy, thank you for talking about this so passionately. You made it easy to want what I wanted. Cathy and Marinda, thanks for guiding me to what I wanted and helping my trust myself. And Valery, thank you for capturing precious moments I wish I remembered better! – – –