Category Archives: Current Events

You did this. You fix it.

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I am sure in the last couple of days I’ve offended people. I don’t doubt that some of my friends think less of my opinion now. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that I’ve been unfollowed or even “unfriended” on Facebook (I haven’t bothered to look).
 
I’m really trying not to care.
 
Like many libertarians, I sit in an uncomfortable middle ground. Many of my friends voted for Trump after an agonizing decision making process. Many of my friends skipped to the polls to vote for Clinton. I understand both votes, but personally chose neither.
 
The longer I sit with this, the angrier and more heartbroken I find myself. While I do understand (sort of) people’s votes, I do not understand why the establishment engineered this.
 
I do not understand why the RNC did not do more to stop Trump from the get go. I do not understand why the media ignored or minimized Trump’s ugly sexual history. I do not understand why they did not censure him when he said awful things about Megyn Kelly. I don’t understand why the Republicans fought out a battle of ego while Trump took the trophy.
 
I also do not understand why the DNC guaranteed Clinton was the nominee. I don’t understand why they intentionally worked against Sanders and his supporters. I don’t understand why they alienated a large portion of their potential voters for a candidate who has a controversial past and questionable judgement.
 
I also do not understand the reactions from the left or the right. Trump is awful. He is the scum of the earth. It is hard for me to fathom him as president.
 
However, my friends on the left, you need to understand: violently protesting in the streets, shutting down traffic and slowing PD and EMS response, attacking Melania Trump, blaming the right as sexist, racist, and bigoted only serves to divide us further. Claiming that Trump voters do not understand what it means to be afraid of the government is naive. Why do you think they bought all those guns you mocked them for? Unfriending people on Facebook puts you in an isolation chamber that makes you less able to understand the right. It is that kind of language and behavior that got us here in the first place.
 
The left’s utter refusal to relate to the right is as responsible for this as anything else.
 
Meanwhile, the right’s response is equally upsetting to me. Dismissing people’s fears, uninviting your liberal family from Christmas, ignoring the fact that Trump is a sexual predator because you hope his policies are good, voting for change for the sake of change (come on, this is what you criticized the left for with Obama), only serves to fracture us more. Happily supporting fascist policies scares those of us who know better. Right now, today, this minute, you need to reach out to people who are frightened and assure them that you voted for Trump in spite of his planet-sized flaws and you do not hold his bigoted views.
 
The right’s complete dismissal of Trump’s character as concerning and his policies as dangerous is as responsible for this as anything else.
 
The only people who benefit are the power players of the oligarchy. Your refusal to listen and understand and take responsibility for how we got here means that we will continue on this path which leads to more pain and more political upheaval and more of the same.
 
So pick. I made my choice. I will not keep perpetuating the cycle. I’m going to continue to sit in the painful middle and continue to reject the system. If you will not join me, I’m afraid that you are helping perpetuate the cycle. You, my friends, you did this. Now you need to fix it.
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Lessons from the Nativity

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Have I shared how much I love Christmas? I hate and despise winter with every bit of me but I love Christmas with equal intensity. It’s a magical time where I get to buy gifts for those I love (giving gifts is one of my love languages), spend time with family, follow traditions and rituals I love and turn my mind to Christ. Love is a big element of Christmastime.

This year as I’ve been preparing for Christmas, I have been impressed repeatedly by the story of the Nativity and what it has to teach us. I want to share a few of those with you.

Lesson from Mary

Mary shows us the ultimate humility of anyone except for perhaps Christ and more courage than anyone other than Eve when she says to Gabriel “Behold the handmaid of the Lord;…” Later, Mary travels with Joesph to Bethlehem. There, her baby is born in a stable, amongst animals, probably without the birth attendants of her choice (which likely her mother and sisters and the midwife who had cared for her in the beginning of her pregnancy). After childbirth, Mary received guests (the shepherds and probably others) to greet her newborn son. This was usually a time when women were somewhat isolated as they were “impure” (which is a really amazing study topic if you have some time and not associated with sinfulness like we may think), and here she was receiving guests! Now I’m not suggesting she was up on her feet, fixing meals or refreshments, but the grace Mary must have had to receive these strangers teaches me to be more generous with others in my life. Her humility to be the Mother of Christ, to bear the trials which came with that calling and welcome the worshipers who were sent at one of the most sensitive and vulnerable times of her life reminds me to be humble as my Heavenly Parents and Savior shape me into who They want me to be.

Mary also teaches me to be thoughtful, meditative and reflective. In possibly one of the most beautiful scriptures about spiritual experiences, we learn “Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” By pondering, I create space for God to teach me more about experiences I’m given to help me grow.

Lessons from the midwives

I have to read between the lines a little here, but as a birth worker, I’m well familiar with the fact that Mary was probably attended to by midwives and gave birth in a stable or a home. Her sisters- and mother-in-law were probably there as well. It’s possible that they weren’t planning on attending to Mary who lived in Nazareth (about 70-80 miles away). It’s likely that Mary had been in Bethlehem a few weeks before her baby was born but the midwife there probably hadn’t had a lot of time getting to know Mary. This untold story teaches me to be willing to helping those in need, no matter what circumstance we find our lives cross paths or how much or little I was planning on being of aid. It also teaches me to be open to opportunities to serve whenever they come.

They also teach me that just as men witnessed the Christ child, so did women. That’s a powerful message of equality in a world which largely ignores or misunderstands the contributions of women to the work of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Lessons from the shepherds and the wise men

Christ was actually likely born in the spring. This was “lambing season” when mother ewes were giving birth. This was (is) a very intense time of the year for shepherds. However, at the angels’ direction, the shepherds “came with haste” to find Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. I don’t know if they left their sheep all at once, or if they took turns, but they all left their livelihoods and something that was very important to them at a very critical time.

Similarly, the wise men left their livelihoods and lives and traveled a far distance to meet Jesus. Their journey was not short and was likely expensive. These stories teach me that following Christ is something worth giving up everything that’s seemingly important. This is a lesson repeated throughout the nativity (with Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men and Anna) but also throughout the scriptures as Christ calls apostles and disciples to follow Him.

The shepherds were also ordinary people. They weren’t Jewish religious leaders or important rulers. They were humble men without much to garner them an invitation to the most important event in all of history. Similarly, the wise men were foreigners, possibly even gentiles from Babylon, who would’ve been looked down upon by the Jews no matter their status in their own kingdom (where they were probably admired and respected). This teaches me that Christ doesn’t just want to speak to the leaders of the church or those who are deemed appropriate or worthy by “the world” (and that includes the body of the Church). Christ reveals himself to the mighty and the small, the poor and the wealthy, those who lead a church and those who never do “more” than show up to worship. Anyone who will hear the call to come to Him are welcome.

Lessons from Christ

Christ came to earth in the humblest of circumstances. He became an infant, tiny and helpless, descending physically to the lowest a human can be, utterly dependent on another for care. He became as we are in order to do the Father’s will. Like the shepherds and the wise men He gave up everything to come serve us. As He grew, He learned grace by grace, not all at once, just as we do. He became like us so that we can become like Him. He was willing to submit to all things, including the complete loss of autonomy and self-sufficiency, to follow God’s plan. The message couldn’t be clearer to me: following Christ means being willing to recognize our infant state and our complete and utter dependence on someone else (Him) for our salvation.

 

The nativity holds so many other lessons for me, too many to tell here. It’s a beautiful story with so much complexity and depth, with untold stories and silent lessons waiting to be discovered.

At this time of darkness, we celebrate the greatest Light of the world. He is the way, the truth and the light, the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, the Prince of Peace, the Redeemer of Israel and the Savior of my soul. Christ came to earth a baby, as we all did, and became what we all hope one day to be. He shows the way and He enables our salvation as we come to Him and be perfected by his blood.

Merry Christmas. May the light of Christ shine on you at this season and always.

Image credit: the Mormon Channel and Simon Dewey.

Image credit: the Mormon Channel and Simon Dewey.

An Open Letter to the LDS Church on Breastfeeding

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This letter was written on behalf of an acquaintance who was facing challenges from church leadership to her decision breastfeed “in public” at church (meaning that she did not excuse herself to the Mother’s Room). I spoke at length with her about the situation before I wrote my letter. Out of respect for her request that this situation not become public, I have held this letter for many months. Now, I feel comfortable sharing it.

Given that today is the first day of World Breastfeeding Week and a breastfeeding in church situation just came up again, I feel like now is an especially appropriate time to share this.

While it is addressed to the members and leaders of my faith, the same principles apply to members and leaders of all religious congregations and to members and leaders of the community at large.

Our Little Miss is now 22 months old and still breastfeeding. I still nurse her in public if she needs to. My hope is to encourage people everywhere to support women who breastfeed so that they and their babies can have the benefits of  breastfeeding until the physiologically normal age of weaning.

Dear members and leaders of the church,

I am an LDS mother. I have a beautiful almost-5-month old girl. From long before she was born, my husband and I have been making decisions with her best interests at heart. We have had long, intense conversations about the choices we are making.

It is important to us to give Monkey everything she needs to grow up healthy and strong and smart, with a conversion to the gospel and reliance on Heavenly Father.

One of those keys for us is breastfeeding her.

My husband and I have had long conversations about breastfeeding “in public”, which means anywhere from an intimate dinner with friends to during a trip to the mall. Somewhere between these two is attending church.

After those conversations, we have decided that not only is it appropriate for me to breastfeed M in church – in the chapel, during Sunday School or Relief Society (or during Young Women’s if I got called to serve our young sisters) – it is valuable to more than just M and me.

When Little Miss was born, breastfeeding was not easy for me. Like many modern women, I had not been exposed to it the way my grandmothers were. I had to learn how and I nearly gave up. I wish I had known someone in my ward who could help as my family is all far away. I wish I had grown up more exposed to breastfeeding (and since I am the oldest of four and my mother breastfed all of us, I was exposed to it some and it was still not enough). I wish that it had not been so foreign to me.

Ultimately though, when I breastfeed Monkey in public, my goal is not to offend. It is not to make a statement. It is not to educate others. It is simply to feed or comfort my baby.

When I do not “excuse myself” to another room, I do it not to throw my beliefs in someone else’s face. I do not wish to make others uncomfortable. I simply want to be a part of whatever else is happening or be blessed through participation in church and still do what is best for my baby.

We live in a world that is increasingly sexualized and our exposure to human bodies increases while our comfort level with our own bodies decreases. This is especially new of women and new mothers.

Like me, few women instinctively know how to breastfeed and there are many, many barriers to doing it. Unfortunately, one of these for LDS women is a culture that discourages us from any sort of familiarity with our own bodies. In an effort to stay “morally pure” we are not given the skills we need to be good mothers. This is tragic.

It has long-reaching consequences for the young men in the church as well. They are taught (as girls are as well), that “sex is bad, until you get married”. At the same time, they see semi-nude images almost everywhere they go.

For many, the taboo nature of a woman’s body in the LDS faith coupled with the sexualization of her in modern culture leads our young men to be curious. Some of them turn to parents or church leaders for answers while others, sadly, turn to friends and peers and the internet. This natural curiosity leads some of them down dark paths of addiction to pornography that takes excruciating work to overcome.

When leaders of the church ask women to cover up while breastfeeding their babies at church (or worse, go to another room), they reinforce these world-created narratives of a woman’s body and add barriers to something that is already not easy. They create secrecy or shame where there is none and they alienate women who often need the church interaction the very most.

Church leaders and other members would do woman an incredible service to every member of the church if they actively supported breastfeeding moms who care for their children (sometimes despite personal discomfort or inconvenience and public, cultural and familial disapproval) in the way their children most need. Sometimes this means uncovered at an unclothed breast.

A woman’s body is sacred and should be honored and respected, especially when it is being used to do exactly what our Heavenly Father purposed it to do: provide bodies for His spirit children and nourish and rear them.

Thank you so much for your support of us as breastfeeding mothers.

Lacey

P.S. This little package – a nursing cover – was delivered to an acquaintance of mine this week. It came from the Young Women of her ward. I am beyond horrified that this lesson is being taught to the Young Women by their leaders. Breasts, like nearly every part of the body, have both a utilitarian and a sexual purpose. This attitude creates shame, fear and unfamiliarity with breastfeeding. It should never, ever happen. Let’s work together to normalize breastfeeding, end the modesty debate and support mothers and babies everywhere!

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Remembering the good people

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I’ve been pretty vocally critical recently about some of the negative things going on in the church. There’s a lot of pain and a lot of contention, a lot of questions and chaos and processing and trying to sort everything out.

As a lot of us have been sorting through everything that has happened in the last week, we are also trying to buoy each other up, to restore our faith in an organization we love.

Sometimes we get very focused on the problems and lose sight of all the truly good people within the church. Sometimes we need to be reminded of all the good around us. To that end, we have been sharing stories of good experiences with (male) priesthood leaders. Many of these stories are from people who are outside of doctrinal or cultural orthodoxy whose Priesthood leaders (mostly Bishops) addressed their unorthodoxy with love, kindness and respect. I share these stories with you with their permission.

From E.S.

I was [recently] pulled into the bishop’s office regarding comments I had posted [on Feminist Mormon Housewives] which someone had brought to him. We discussed and he said something along the lines of “What it seems to me that you are saying in all these comments is that you have a problem with hypocrisy, and that’s something I think we agree on. Carry on.”

From K.A.

When I was about 20, I realized I was losing my testimony — I was unhappy and uncomfortable at church, felt like I was lying about who I am because I WAS (I kept quiet and didn’t say much at church bc I didn’t want anyone to think I was Weird or Out There — which was a huge problem in my tiny home ward in a small town, so even in Seattle I was sure I’d be ostracized) — and I finally knuckled down and went to speak to the bishop. For a good fifteen minutes, I just expunged all of my negative feelings and fear of alienation/difference/etc. to him.

And my bishop was quiet through the entire mess, laughed quietly once I’d finished and said, “Well, that was a lot,” and then looked at me straight in the eye and asked me how I felt about it. I said I was confused, and hurt, and didn’t know if I belonged at church anymore, and he said, “How do you feel about what you’re doing specifically?”

I was taken aback. I was so used to having judgment passed down on me from authority figures. I had no idea how to respond to an authority figure in the church asking me to analyze my own behaviors and determine my own judgment for them. And that’s what he did. At no point in the conversation did he call me to repentance, or tell me any of what I did or thought was wrong or a sin. He simply asked me if I’d prayed about any of it (I had), and what answers I’d gotten. At no point did he tell me that I had to wait for my opinions to fall in line with Heavenly Father’s (as future bishops have done) — he asked me about the revelation I personally had received for myself, and then he told me he loved me and that he was there for me.

I’m still a member because of the unyielding Christlike love that bishop. I have an intensely strong testimony of the power of personal revelation, and he helped cement for me that my relationship with my Heavenly Father is personal and, though sometimes mediated through the church, that I am in control of my own sphere of personhood and spirituality. I love him.

From that moment on, I opened up. I taught an RS lesson about living with doubt — not overcoming it, as seems to be the only avenue given to us by talks, but actually identifying and acknowledging your doubt and being okay with its being there. I talked a lot more. I got friends. I found out that there were LOADS of other women in my ward who felt the same way I did about many things, but were equally afraid to open up about it for fear of being judged.

To this day, I’m grateful to my YSA bishop. He is such a good, good man.

From C.H.

My temple recommend interview was Sunday, and I’ve barely talked to our bishop before (I moved into the ward recently). In the “do you affiliate…” question I jokingly responded “Well, I am a Mormon feminist, but I don’t consider that to be contrary to the teachings of the Church as defined by that question; historically that question was designed for polygamists.” The Bishop smiled and said “discussion is healthy and your perspective is welcome.” He then pulled out a postcard of a patchwork quilt of the Temple (full version was hanging in his office) that the ward had made a couple of years ago to celebrate diversity. “My goal is to have a ward that celebrates our diversity” he said. “Everyone belongs in this quilt.”

From B.C.

My Bishop is not someone I knew very well before he got called to be Bishop (about 3 months ago) and I gave a talk 2 or 3 weeks ago in which I talked about my doubts. I didn’t talk in specifics, but I did say that finding out about the uglier, not known aspects of church history is what caused me to doubt. I went from idolizing Joseph Smith and Brigham Young (like many LDS people do) to really not liking them much at all and questioning whether they really were prophets. These doubts led me to understand the atonement of Christ a little bit more and to realize just how important it is… if Prophets of God make mistakes and need the atonement that everyone needs it. I have had people tell me before that I need to keep quiet about having doubts so I was very happy when my Bishop thanked me and said (with lots of sincerity in his eyes and voice) that he knew there were people who needed to hear what I shared. Since then I have ‘come out’ to my bishop as a Mormon feminist and he has been nothing but understanding and encouraging. My Bishop even emailed me to see if I was ok after the news broke yesterday about Kate Kelly’s “court of love.” I believe he is a good man who cares about me.

From E.M.

When I was 19, I felt strongly that I needed to get endowed, even though I had been a member for less than a year and there was no mission or marriage on the horizon. I went to talk to my bishop about it, and while he was not in favor of it at first, he felt an impression that he should let me. Then he went down to talk to the stake president, a man whom I’d never met. The stake president was staunchly against it until they knelt together to pray over the matter. When they finished praying, the stake president did a complete 180 and agreed to see me for a recommend interview. It was a strong witness to me about priesthood leaders receiving inspiration for those they preside over, and a wonderful example of righteous men who listened and prayed instead of just going with what they knew to be true.

From T.R.

When my brother came out, my mom … insisted he see the bishop. Thank goodness we had a very kind and gentle man for a bishop. He said ” I am just a regular guy, I have no training to help you with this, the church has some brochures I can give you, but they are inadequate for this. The church has no good help or counseling that I would recommend. I do know that God loves us and we don’t have all the answers.” He was very honest and he did not lecture or condemn. It was more honesty than a lot of gay members get. …This was one man who didn’t judge, and we are grateful for that.

From J.A.

On Sunday, I asked a member of the stake presidency how to deal with the treatment I get for being a home birth midwife, as most think it’s “weird”, when it is a calling that my husband gave me a blessing and set me apart for.
He said “sometimes we have to be Zion in Babylon”

From L.T.

Back when I first started homeschooling, I had two preschoolers, and one school-aged child. We were also building our home, and doing a lot of the work ourselves, so homeschooling was suffering. Very few people in the ward even knew we were homeschooling. And certainly not the bishopric. During this time, I was called to be the ward music chairman. When I got set apart, my sweet Bishop set me apart for my calling, and then proceeded to give me a blessing to ease my mind about teaching my children, and to give me strength as their mother. I still get a little teary thinking about it. I knew that he was listening to the Spirit as he gave me that blessing, and gave me the exact blessing I needed at that time.

From K.N.

Our bishopric [recently] facilitated a combined RS/PH discussion on same-sex attraction. It was an open, beautiful, and loving discussion. Their sincere desire to help both us and those around us feel loved was palpable. They emphasized giving and receiving Christlike love, and they practiced that love as they listened to our varied thoughts, painful experiences, and concerns without judgment. It was amazing. They helped us navigate a very difficult, sensitive subject with compassion, and proactively initiating the discussion took a lot of courage on their part.

From L.S.

I recently had a conversation with my Bishop regarding my thoughts about Ordain Women and the cultural attitudes in Mormonism. I was feeling very battered, frustrated and confused. My bishop really took the time to listen to me. He also encouraged me that when I heard others speak negatively about my sisters that I take courage and speak up, correcting them. He said that he would have a discussion with the ward council about addressing controversial issues withing the church and how important it is that we love each other. I walked out feeling more confident, more loved and safer than I had in a while. His care really helped rejuvenate my spirit.

From B.W.

Every year, our ward combines with a couple of other wards in the area and rents out the local water park for one night. Each year, starting when he was our bishop, our former bishop goes to the water park. He probably weighs about 400 pounds. With no shame, he puts on his swim suit and makes a big production of repeatedly going down the biggest water slide and spraying all of the kids who wait at the bottom. He creates a tidal wave! I served as a Relief Society president under this bishop, and he came to every correlation and welfare meeting with an agenda and a purpose. Once he had discussed what was on his agenda, he went around the room to each individual and asked if we had anything that we would like to discuss. I felt that he made special efforts in my case to make sure that he was getting the Relief Society point of view from me.

From R.D.

My bishop and I were discussing personal prayer. I told him that I included Heavenly Mother in my prayers. I told him I wasn’t leaving Heavenly Father out, just praying to both of them now. He was fine with that (but also asked me to be sure to only do so in private because the current direction for the whole church is to pray only to Heavenly Father). There’s so much light in my Bishop, it’s amazing. I feel safe with him.

 

— If this was helpful to you, and you would like to see it become a regular feature, let me know. I’d also love to receive more stories of wonderful church leaders. This has been one of my favorite projects. We definitely are navigating a difficult place in Mormonism right now, but it’s so important to remember all the wonderful leaders and good things about our church! —

 

A response to The Style of Being: Mormon Feminism and Being Snarky

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A couple of days ago, I shared a link on my Facebook page from Feminist Mormon Housewives on becoming heretics and the pain that comes from being outside the box of cultural Mormonism.

As part of the discussion that ensued, a link from The Style of Being was shared. I started to write a response and it turned out that I had a lot to say on the topic.

I am not a member of Ordain Women and I have not appreciated all of their actions. After much study and prayer, I do not know how I feel about women’s ordination. However, I do know that OW isn’t the bogey man that cultural Mormonism makes them out to be.

Here’s my response to Mormon Feminism and Being Snarky

Men and Women are NOT THE SAME…

This is true. But women and women are not the same. Neither are men and men.

If I look at each of my girlfriends, I see a few places where we overlap – we all love each other, for example – and many, many places where we differ. Some of us are driven, headstrong, stubborn and unforgiving of the things that stand in our way. Others are more inclined to “float” through life and are content with what life brings them. All of us have our soft spots and our hard spots. Not one of us is the same as another.

More than that, how are we defining things that are traditionally female? Compassion? Love? Gentility? Easy going? What would you call “female” attributes?

My husband and I often joke that I make a better man and he makes a better woman, based purely on stereotypical roles.

My husband is naturally more compassionate than I am when it comes to someone being injured. He gets a headache or damages his hand or something and I’m like “Well, take some Tylenol and get over it.” On the other hand, when I fell and hurt my wrist and scrapped up my leg, he took care of me for a couple of days before he started to be annoyed with me.

He tends to be more patient, easier going, more inclined to follow, softer than I am. Those are wonderful attributes and I strive to emulate them in many places.

With that kind of background, I have to wonder: how would you define “what makes [you] inherently female”?

Lastly, OW uses a grammatical imperative. That’s their goal. However, they are not telling anyone else what to think. They are telling members of their organization – people who are exercising their right to freedom of association – to gather around a common ideal. They are expressing their opinion that women’s ordination is the only way to fix the gender inequalities in the church. They also claim to be asking the questions: Can women be ordained? And why can’t women be ordained? We can disagree about methods, but it is your interpretation that they are telling women what to think, not necessarily reality.

Priesthood Responsibilities Are Designed to Grow Good Men

Absolutely we need man and woman together. We do complement each other. Of course women cannot do it all. I could never manage two jobs and a child without my husband there with me. We support each other. But what his role is and what my role is are defined by us in concert with God. Right now, my role is to be the primary breadwinner. I currently have more earning potential than he does and it’s helping keep us out of crippling debt. Meanwhile, he is the SAH parent. He’s actually pretty good at it too. And Monkey needs her dad. She needs her mom but she also needs her dad.

Also, while my husband stinks at housework (pretty sure Priesthood is not going to fix that) he is generally, as I stated above, the kinder, softer one and more inclined to follow instead of fight. Soooo… maybe I need the Priesthood responsibilities to teach me skills my husband is already good at.

And, really, I don’t understand how blessing and passing the sacrament or serving in leadership roles is “tailored to [the men’s] needs.” These are positions that are pretty generic across the church and many women could benefit from them as well as men.

Yes, western women do tend to do “everything”. Some of this is because when women work outside of the home, they still find or make time to keep the house and see their children (working moms do more housework and more childcare than their working fathers counterparts). This doesn’t mean that men are slacking or that they are being pushed out by women. Men and women just make different choices. Doing “everything” is a choice women make. Everyone should feel like they can choose how to spend their time. A strong man is not going to be pushed out by a woman. Our goal should be to have strong men to complement strong women, not weak women to pacify weak men. Limiting the priesthood to men only simply because we are afraid men “need” the priesthood to be spiritually equal to women undercuts men and unfairly punishes women.

The Priesthood is Not a Status Symbol, Yo

Yes, I know this. This statement is at best misinformed and faulty. Wanting the priesthood does not mean wanting some kind of status symbol. It means wanting the equal treatment that is incredibly difficult to achieve without ordination to priesthood office.

When Kate Kelly says that equality can be measured, she’s not talking about something theoretical. She’s talking about necessity of having men and women as part of the church.

If one Sunday, no men showed up for church, Sacrament meeting literally could not be held. If no women showed up, meetings could go on as scheduled (there might be some scrambling in the primary, but otherwise everything would function as normal).

Moreover, priesthood ordination does lead to more influence within the church. Factually, there are very few roles that allow women to influence the direction of the church. I’m not talking doctrine here; I’m talking culture and, especially, policy.

On the ward level, there’s an appearance of near equality. Wards have the Bishop and the RS President, the Sunday School President and the Primary President, the Young Men and Young Women Presidents. However, only the bishopric is allowed to actually extend callings, and a bishop can turn down a RSP’s request (and it is a request; she has no real authority to do anything but ask) for a certain teacher, counselor, etc. Additionally, you have the EQP, which is really more the RSP’s equivalent, and the HP Group Leader. Men outnumber women in leadership positions at the ward level almost two to one. Also, while the Primary President is traditionally filled by a woman, it does not have to be, while the Sunday School President is specifically a male-only position.

When you get to the stake level, that equality of administration lessens. There’s the Stake President and the Stake auxiliary presidencies. There is no Stake EQP and the HP President is the Stake President. However, there are 12 high counselors (which is a priesthood function). There are five men for every one woman in stake leadership (unless you are counting auxiliary counselors which evens the numbers to 2.5 men for every one woman; better but auxiliary counselors have significantly less authority than the high counselors and usually only the presidents are part of ward and stake counsels).

There are no female equivalents to Area Authority 70, General 70 or the Quorum of the 12. We do not even know who the women who serve on the auxiliary general boards are.

Even if we assume for a minute that this is how Jesus Christ wants His church to be run, we still need to address the more policy and cultural elements of Mormon inequality. How many women are involved in the curriculum writing committee (CWC)? I don’t know.

However, Chieko Okazaki did shed a little bit of light on this process:

I was the education counselor, so I worked with one of the men on the curriculum committee. We wanted to change the manual so that it brought up modern-day problems that women have to face and focus on how to implement some of the gospel doctrines and principles in dealing with the problem.

I had written a general outline, and the Relief Society presidency approved it. So I talked about it to a man on the Curriculum Committee. He went to his boss, and the boss said, “We don’t

need a new manual for the Relief Society.” “Why don’t we need a new manual?” “We already are writing a manual for them.”

So he came back and told me that a new manual was already being prepared. I asked what it was, and he said, “Well, it’s the manual on Harold B. Lee.” It was the first one in that series of teachings of the Church presidents. I asked, “Why are they writing a manual for us on Harold B. Lee?” He didn’t know.

I told the presidency, so we went and asked the Curriculum Committee, “What is this all about?” They said, “Well, we’re already almost finished with the first book.” We said, “You’re almost finished with the first book, and you didn’t tell us that you were doing this? Why is this is the first time we have heard about it? Chieko has been writing an outline in relation to what women need.” So I asked, “Who is writing this manual?” It turned out to be five men, and the Melchizedek Priesthood quorums and Relief Society would have the same lessons.

I asked, “Why aren’t the women included in this?”

The RSP was significantly shut out of the process.

There is ONE book that is an official church publication addressing the heritage of the Relief Society. In the first three chapters, Women are mentioned or talked about 1.3 times as frequently as men, but men are quoted twice as often as women. In a book about the Relief Society. If you remove the scriptural references (quotes from the scriptures and scriptural references to women), the ratio of women to men references becomes about equal while the number of men to women quotes stays about the same.

This is not a doctrinal, but a cultural/policy issue which has many ways of being addressed, but ordaining women is certainly one of them. I don’t know that it’s the best solution, but it is probably the quickest.

Lastly, the idea that if women were ordained there would be no need for men in the church is completely ridiculous. Maybe men could spend more time with their families if their wives were administering in the church. We could have YW pass the sacrament as well (that may not be needed everywhere in the Mormon Bubble, but it absolutely has been an issue in some of the wards I’ve lived in). Some branches could become wards and some groups that cannot be branches due to lack of priesthood leadership due to a lack of active men could become branches.

Same Destination – Same Airline – Different Carry-on Luggage

Since we are supposed to become like our Godly parents, it would be really great if we actually knew anything about our Heavenly Mother. Or what “eternal gender roles” look like. Also, my husband can totally have little-m motherhood. He can be pregnant and carry a baby for 9-10 months. Let me tell you what, I am not a fan of pregnancy at all. Once “those little rugrats” are earthside, they need both mother AND father. Studies show that an absentee father is extremely detrimental to child development and healthy adulthood. Fatherhood deserves a lot more respect than we give it.

Priesthood has no other equivalent, as far as we know, and it is not a gender role.

Trust in the Lord with all Thine Heart

Well, yes, of course. I haven’t spoken to one member of OW who has not come to their opinion on female ordination other than through study and prayer. This is not often an easy decision to make. It marks you as an “unbeliever” in the eyes of many. However, many of these women, our sisters, are trusting God who is directing them to be part of this. “We” assume that because they are different, they are not following God. This is silly and judgmental and hurtful. The history of the church shows revelation often comes from the top down in response to a request from the bottom up.

You may not like how the questions are being asked. I agree that tone is important. It is unfortunate that much of the tone of this entire discussion has been set by people who have not taken time to study and pray about the issue (I am not referring to OW). Labeling someone an apostate for not asking a question the “right” way is asinine. It perpetuates a negative tone.

We don’t know why women are not ordained. Full Stop.

It is simply how the Lord put it, maybe period, maybe for now, but any other reason is not true. We have a responsibility to seek after truth. We have a responsibility to ask difficult questions. We have a responsibility to not get stuck in the Mormon Box, to study and pray about this and many other topics. We have a responsibility to not believe what the media says, what the church PR department says, or what OW says without knowing as much as we can about the entire situation, praying about it when we begin our study and then praying about it after our study and listening and following whatever the Holy Ghost tells us. THAT is trusting in the Lord. THAT is not relying on the arm of flesh.

The Restoration continues. We believe that God will yet reveal many great and important truths pertaining to the kingdom of God. We must ready ourselves to accept whatever that is. It may be ordaining women.