Category Archives: Good Things

Lessons from Eve: Filling our cups and choosing progression

Standard

I spend a lot of time thinking about Eve. Perhaps more than any other figure in scripture, except Christ Himself, Eve draws me in. Much of her story is obscured. Outside of Mormonism, she is often disparaged by Christianity. Even within Mormonism, I have heard people refer to her and her choice to take the fruit of knowledge of good and evil in very negative terms, despite our teachings that the fall was integral to the Plan of Salvation.

But I love Eve. Whether her story is an allegory, as much of the Bible is, or whether she is a real person is immaterial to me. Her story is amazing. Because we know so little it, there’s lots of room for interpretation and I spend a lot of time contemplating the space we don’t know, the “what happened” in between what the Bible and church teachings tell us happened.

One of the things I admire about Eve is how she wasn’t willing to “settle” or give up what she needed. Whether this was a good thing or a bad thing, I don’t know. I’ve contemplated it a lot without an answer yet. However, I admire her for it.

At some point, Eve decided it was time for her to progress. She was ready to move on from the Garden. I imagine that before she got to that point, she’d done a lot of walking with God, asking questions, learning what she could. Maybe she and Adam had had lots of conversations about this. I believe they learned a lot together.

Maybe at some point, Adam had said to her “Why do you want to leave this place? It is easy. It has everything we need. Why would we leave?”

Maybe Eve had initially said to him “I will wait for you to be ready, for you to understand why.”

Perhaps she waited patiently for him for eons, learning and growing as much as she could. Perhaps he was learning too, but more slowly or more cautiously.

I wonder if, in their conversations, Eve wanted to leave more quickly, but caution or fear or a lack of understanding made Adam hesitate. Maybe Adam was waiting to be commanded to leave.

Maybe one day, Eve said to Adam, “Our parents are not going to make us go. This has to be our choice, Adam. We have learned all that we can here. We have grown all that we are able. It is time for us to go.”

I don’t mean to make Adam less. Maybe he was right there with Eve. Maybe he was her partner in every way, learning with her right at the same pace. Maybe they were completely united in the decision. When Eve took the fruit, I wonder if Adam was there with her, standing by her side, waiting for her to hand him the fruit.

Perhaps Eve took the fruit first because that was her stewardship, her mission, and Adam couldn’t do it before she had.

Still I wonder: was Eve the driving force in that decision? Was Adam away somewhere, knowing that Eve had decided to leave and trying to decide if he was going to support her in her growth and go with her out of the garden?

What I do know is that Eve stepped forward and took responsibility for her choices, for her progression, for her happiness. She made an impossibly brave choice to follow her heart, her inner wisdom, her intuition and respect her needs and her wants. In pursuing her mission, in filling her cup, she gave us all life and a legacy as women that we should embrace.

Satan would have us think that sacrifice is always the right choice, that giving up what we want and need for someone or something else is always a good thing. That’s not true. Sometimes we need to say “This is what I need and I will honor that.”

There are many lessons that I have learned by pondering about Eve. This is one of them: It is good and it is right to fill our own cups, to not minimize our own needs and to respect our own progression. Even if caring for ourselves means that that our husbands or our children or our church have to sacrifice too, that is ok. Eve was not a martyr.

Perhaps Eve left the Garden for us, but I think she also left the Garden for her.

Lessons from the Nativity

Standard

Have I shared how much I love Christmas? I hate and despise winter with every bit of me but I love Christmas with equal intensity. It’s a magical time where I get to buy gifts for those I love (giving gifts is one of my love languages), spend time with family, follow traditions and rituals I love and turn my mind to Christ. Love is a big element of Christmastime.

This year as I’ve been preparing for Christmas, I have been impressed repeatedly by the story of the Nativity and what it has to teach us. I want to share a few of those with you.

Lesson from Mary

Mary shows us the ultimate humility of anyone except for perhaps Christ and more courage than anyone other than Eve when she says to Gabriel “Behold the handmaid of the Lord;…” Later, Mary travels with Joesph to Bethlehem. There, her baby is born in a stable, amongst animals, probably without the birth attendants of her choice (which likely her mother and sisters and the midwife who had cared for her in the beginning of her pregnancy). After childbirth, Mary received guests (the shepherds and probably others) to greet her newborn son. This was usually a time when women were somewhat isolated as they were “impure” (which is a really amazing study topic if you have some time and not associated with sinfulness like we may think), and here she was receiving guests! Now I’m not suggesting she was up on her feet, fixing meals or refreshments, but the grace Mary must have had to receive these strangers teaches me to be more generous with others in my life. Her humility to be the Mother of Christ, to bear the trials which came with that calling and welcome the worshipers who were sent at one of the most sensitive and vulnerable times of her life reminds me to be humble as my Heavenly Parents and Savior shape me into who They want me to be.

Mary also teaches me to be thoughtful, meditative and reflective. In possibly one of the most beautiful scriptures about spiritual experiences, we learn “Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” By pondering, I create space for God to teach me more about experiences I’m given to help me grow.

Lessons from the midwives

I have to read between the lines a little here, but as a birth worker, I’m well familiar with the fact that Mary was probably attended to by midwives and gave birth in a stable or a home. Her sisters- and mother-in-law were probably there as well. It’s possible that they weren’t planning on attending to Mary who lived in Nazareth (about 70-80 miles away). It’s likely that Mary had been in Bethlehem a few weeks before her baby was born but the midwife there probably hadn’t had a lot of time getting to know Mary. This untold story teaches me to be willing to helping those in need, no matter what circumstance we find our lives cross paths or how much or little I was planning on being of aid. It also teaches me to be open to opportunities to serve whenever they come.

They also teach me that just as men witnessed the Christ child, so did women. That’s a powerful message of equality in a world which largely ignores or misunderstands the contributions of women to the work of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Lessons from the shepherds and the wise men

Christ was actually likely born in the spring. This was “lambing season” when mother ewes were giving birth. This was (is) a very intense time of the year for shepherds. However, at the angels’ direction, the shepherds “came with haste” to find Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. I don’t know if they left their sheep all at once, or if they took turns, but they all left their livelihoods and something that was very important to them at a very critical time.

Similarly, the wise men left their livelihoods and lives and traveled a far distance to meet Jesus. Their journey was not short and was likely expensive. These stories teach me that following Christ is something worth giving up everything that’s seemingly important. This is a lesson repeated throughout the nativity (with Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men and Anna) but also throughout the scriptures as Christ calls apostles and disciples to follow Him.

The shepherds were also ordinary people. They weren’t Jewish religious leaders or important rulers. They were humble men without much to garner them an invitation to the most important event in all of history. Similarly, the wise men were foreigners, possibly even gentiles from Babylon, who would’ve been looked down upon by the Jews no matter their status in their own kingdom (where they were probably admired and respected). This teaches me that Christ doesn’t just want to speak to the leaders of the church or those who are deemed appropriate or worthy by “the world” (and that includes the body of the Church). Christ reveals himself to the mighty and the small, the poor and the wealthy, those who lead a church and those who never do “more” than show up to worship. Anyone who will hear the call to come to Him are welcome.

Lessons from Christ

Christ came to earth in the humblest of circumstances. He became an infant, tiny and helpless, descending physically to the lowest a human can be, utterly dependent on another for care. He became as we are in order to do the Father’s will. Like the shepherds and the wise men He gave up everything to come serve us. As He grew, He learned grace by grace, not all at once, just as we do. He became like us so that we can become like Him. He was willing to submit to all things, including the complete loss of autonomy and self-sufficiency, to follow God’s plan. The message couldn’t be clearer to me: following Christ means being willing to recognize our infant state and our complete and utter dependence on someone else (Him) for our salvation.

 

The nativity holds so many other lessons for me, too many to tell here. It’s a beautiful story with so much complexity and depth, with untold stories and silent lessons waiting to be discovered.

At this time of darkness, we celebrate the greatest Light of the world. He is the way, the truth and the light, the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, the Prince of Peace, the Redeemer of Israel and the Savior of my soul. Christ came to earth a baby, as we all did, and became what we all hope one day to be. He shows the way and He enables our salvation as we come to Him and be perfected by his blood.

Merry Christmas. May the light of Christ shine on you at this season and always.

Image credit: the Mormon Channel and Simon Dewey.

Image credit: the Mormon Channel and Simon Dewey.

Addressing Essential Oil Safety

Standard

I’ve been contemplating how to write this post for a while. I feel somewhat unqualified to address it because I don’t consider myself an expert on the topic of essential oils. However, as essential oils gain popularity and more and more people I know start using them, I feel like I need to speak up.

I love essential oils. I grew up with them. My mom started using them over 20 years ago and using them are part of my mentality.

As I’ve changed from a passive user (meaning that someone else has told me how to use them and what to use) to an active user, I’ve spent a lot of time researching them. I’ve learned a lot about the oils I grew up with and added new favorites. They are wonderful, powerful tools.

However, essential oils are not inert. They are powerful tools and need to be used with respect.

Lavender oil can increase prepubescent breast tissue. Peppermint oil can cause laryngeal spasms which can close a child’s airway. Clary sage can induce labor and cause miscarriage. Tea tree oil can cause nerve damage.

My purpose in sharing these oil dangers is not to scare anyone away from using oils, but to illustrate a point. Like all powerful tools, there are benefits and there are potential risks. The important thing is to be informed of these risks and how to minimize them.

There are essential oil companies on the market whose recommendation for use is unsafe.

Most oils should not be used “neat” (undiluted), taken internally, used at “normal” strength on children or “diluted” with water (come on, people… oil can’t be diluted with water; this is basic chemistry). If you react to them, it’s not your body detoxing. It’s you having a reaction to them and if you do not discontinue use, you should only continue with extreme caution.

Many of the essential oil sales reps are my friends and neighbors. I don’t blame them for not having proper information. It’s a corporate issue and it’s at least a little bit profit-driven.

If you use one drop of oil diluted in a teaspoon of carrier oil, you will use your oil more slowly than if you need six to ten drops of neat essential oil to cover the same area. The company is going to sell less.

I’m not saying to never use oils neat, to ingest them, to use them in a bath or on a child. We do all of those things at our house. But we research them, consider the risks and the benefits and make a decision based on those things.

Even still, we aren’t immune from negative reactions. Little Miss Monkey has a lavender allergy (I have a sensitivity) which made it difficult for her to breathe when we used it on her. That was VERY scary as a mom. I also recently discovered I have a thyme allergy. Thyme was/is a new oil to me and I had a very painful reaction to it. In both cases, we were using best practices and following safety guidelines. If we weren’t, both of our reactions could’ve been much, much worse.

If you are new to essential oils (or even if you’re a veteran user), I love the web site Learning About EOs and the Facebook page Using Essential Oils Safely.

I’ll begin the way I started – I love essential oils. They are wonderful, powerful tools. They have risks and it’s important to be aware of them. By doing so, we can use them for their incredible benefits in a safe way.

 

photo

Traits of a Mother

Standard

In my last post, I talked about asking the question “What is a ‘Mother’?“. I shared some of why I have asked that question. You will want to read that post for background to be able to understand this one.

As I said in that post, I understand “motherhood” is an incredibly sensitive topic. I hope to heal broken hearts, lift others up and shed light on a topic I have come to care deeply about. If you find this topic painful, you may want to come back to the blog another day. The Savior can heal all wounds, but His time is not ours and sometimes the balm of Gilead is slow to heal. This post is not about culturally accepted motherhood, but about a richer, deeper calling that is available to any woman who wants it.

I promised to share some of the traits I felt defined what a Mother is. You might not agree with everything on my list, but don’t dismiss it out of hand. Ponder it and pray about it. Then, consider making your own list. I’d love to hear it.

The traits that make a mother are wide and rich. This list is far from inclusive, but it does cover the critical basics. Here are a few of my thoughts:

 

1. A Mother is a Life-giver or Life-bringer. This is probably the single-most defining factor of what a Mother is. The most obvious example of this is childbearing. Women who sacrifice their bodies, their health and their sanity to give mortal life to a child are prime examples of the life giving role of a Mother. This is what we typically define motherhood to be. I call it “little-m motherhood”. However, there is so much more to this. Mothers bring life to their homes, to gardens and yards, to communities, to businesses, to ideas, to governments and to the world. Women who write books often compare the process to their experience with childbirth – hard work, sometimes painful, and so, so worth it in the end. To me, there are very few things as wonderful as seeing a seedling pop through the earth and then later to be able to harvest the bounty of a garden. It’s wonderful to know that I am responsible for that life. I’ve seen others give life to businesses. It’s amazing to see their business grow and blossom. I’m doing the same thing right now, watching my own company begin to take life, with the same sort of anticipation as I have had watching others do the same. Giving life extends to every aspect of the world in which we walk and Mothers are the people who bring that life into being.

2. A Mother is a circle maker. Just as Mothers bring life, they also usher in death. Death is simply a necessary step in our growth process and Eve’s choice was key to both. By partaking of the fruit, Eve brought both mortal life and mortal death. Women’s bodies cycle through life and death in a monthly microcosmic way (the book The Healing Power of the Sacred Woman talks about this concept in really powerful ways). We have lost the ability to honor the natural cycle of womanhood the way that many more “primitive” cultures do, but the circular nature of a woman’s life force can be seen in ripples throughout her world.

One example of this cyclical nature of womanhood in the seasons of a woman’s life. First she is a maiden and then the maiden dies as she becomes a mother (little m). For a time the mother lives and then she dies as a woman becomes a crone. Simultaneously, a woman may live through another type of seasons. Many women, especially in Mormonism, have careers or paying jobs prior to and in the early years of their marriage. Then when children are born, they retire from that season of their live to be “stay at home” parents. When their children begin attending school or grow up and leave home, many go back to school to complete degrees (or get new ones) and then enter the workforce again. While men often do all these things at the same time, many women live their lives in stages, closing one circle before drawing the next. Intentional or not, these seasons of life which open with a birth and close with a death of sorts speak testament of the cycle of mortality and the dual role of Eve as life giver and death bringer.

Mothers make circles in other ways. We encircle each other, children, our spouses, our goals and our dreams in the embrace of round arms and warm hearts and we create protective circles around those who have been attacked or injured. Which brings me to my third trait.

3. A Mother is a protector and a warrior. So often we refer to men as the protectors. The protection of a father is wonderful, but no one protects like a Mother. When it comes to childbirth, a woman’s body literally responds to external stimuli in labor to protect her child. In the wild, no one protects like a mama. I was once within a few hundred yards of a mother grizzly bear and her cub. I was too naive to be scared, but I realize today how extremely dangerous the situation was. When faced with danger, a Mother fiercely protects whatever is hers. Mothers will cross oceans, walk through broken glass, take down grown men and governments and ruthlessly remove any obstacle between her and her “child” – be that an actual human child or an adult she loves or a cause she feels called to protect. Nothing, absolutely nothing, will stop a protective Mother.

4. A Mother is a counselor, a wise woman and a healer. I suppose I could’ve broken these three up, but I feel like they are inseparable. Mothers have incredible intuition. I watched my own mother invite people into our home to treat general family illnesses. Her area of expertise – or at least the thing I remember her treating most – was ear infections. So often, she just knew what to do. Some of this was training and some of it was intuition. In nearly all “primitive” cultures, women have a place among the “medicine elders”. These women are not only physical healers, but spiritual healers as well. They conduct rituals for rain, good fortune and protection. They often direct the spiritual affairs of a tribe or community. They provide counseling. They attend births and deaths – the two places where the mortal and spiritual world collide most clearly. It doesn’t matter if there is a male hierarchy or a male chief at the head of the tribe. When the witch doctor says to do something everybody listens.

Even in our “modern” society, we see this. Our culture so often treats women in a derogatory way, referring to men in relationships as “whipped” and their (female) significant others as “the old ball and chain”. Culture tries to diminish the powerful role of a Wise Woman. But any man, woman or child worth their salt will listen to that guiding voice of a Grandmother or a Mother. Any husband with true respect for his wife knows to listen to the Mother inside his wife when she speaks.

Mothers hold space in times of trial, rejoice in times of gladness, find clarity in times of confusion and speak words of praise in times of clarity. They do all of this with the combined wisdom of generations of Mothers and Grandmothers handed down in their genetic and energetic code.

5. Mothers honor their calling and others’. Because they have strong intuition and because they know to follow that intuition, Mothers are often very confident in their callings. Whatever that calling is, a Mother does not get easily pulled down into the weeds or trapped in the false promises of Ego. They also have no problem allowing others to follow their own path. Honoring their calling gives them a place of confidence and self-assurance from which to operate from. They know that God doesn’t give us all the same path and that each child has to find their own way.

6. A Mother brings light. You know those people who just light up a room? Women who make you feel good about yourself? Those women reflect what a Mother is. Light is the single most essential element for growth. Even plants that grow in the dark (think mushrooms) need light as part of their growth chain. Light provides energy. Energy creates the ability to grow. Some women claim they are not the nurturing type, but I’ve yet to meet a Mother who doesn’t bring light in some form. Even if you don’t light up a room, that does not mean you do not bring light. Some of us have gentle, filtered light. Others light is bright and shiny. Still others of us have light that is harsh and cleansing. All of these forms of light nourish growth if we let them.

7. A Mother crosses generations. Mothers are simultaneously Eve and modern woman tied up together. They are daughters and mothers, granddaughters and grandmothers. They reflect the past while gazing into the future. Their stories resonate through generations, inspiring their sons and daughters to move forward by looking backwards. They hold the secrets of the past and the promise of the future all in the cup of their hands.

8. A Mother is a teacher. Mothers are naturally teachers. They lead the way when they are called to. They sit back when they know we need to learn on our own. Whoever their “children” are, they show us the way, teach us correct principles and let us walk in the Light. They teach us to value ourselves by caring for themselves. One of the most selfless things a Mother does is to care for herself, teaching us that we can best help others by keeping our own cups filled. She show us that Living Water is the best way to fill our cups and that a critical part of “self care” building a relationship with Deity.

 

This is my “short list”. I am sure that as I keep chasing this topic, I will gain more understanding of what Motherhood is. Those who restrict Motherhood to childbearing and rearing have a limited understanding of what it truly is. Motherhood is a calling that every woman is invited to take part in. Not every woman will. The conflation of childbearing with Motherhood, the pain of not being able to have a “traditional family” in mortality, the pull of other callings will all lead some to different paths. Choosing otherwise, wanting otherwise does not mean there is something “wrong” with you. But every woman who wants it is welcome to take part in Motherhood. As women, as daughters of Eve, this is our birthright.

Heavenly Mother, Where Are You?

Standard

I thought I would be sharing a different post today. In fact, I have two other posts partially drafted that I thought I would be sharing shortly.

However, I have something that really struck me this morning that I feel like I wanted to share. LDS General Conference is coming up in just a few short days (April 5 and 6 and you can watch it live online). Mack and I have tickets to the Saturday Morning session, something I’m very excited about. We’ve lived in Utah for four and a half years and have not yet made it to a conference session in person (First World Utah Mormon Problem, I know).

As we approach General Conference, it is tradition for members of the church to pray for guidance and direction on things that they are facing and to watch the Conference sessions in a spirit of receiving answers. I also try to do this and have had really enriching experiences as I’ve seen Conference answer questions for me and for others. Sometimes these talks were almost as if they were written specifically for me or for someone close to me.

This spring, I am hoping and praying for something I hadn’t even considered six months ago. It is surprising and humbling to me to see the way that my mind and my heart have changed over the last six months as I have prayed and studied and prayed and listened to the promptings of the Spirit.

I join with women throughout the world, but especially here in America, in my longing to hear and know more about my Heavenly Mother.

The LDS doctrine of God teaches us that we have a Heavenly Father who is literally, biologically our Father. He is the Father of our Spirits, which make up half our Soul, and the Father of Adam and Eve’s Physical Bodies, the other half of our Souls. We are also taught, though with much less regularity or depth, that we have a Heavenly Mother who is the Mother of our Spirits and Bodies.

I believe that when we speak of “God” we are talking about Heavenly Father AND Heavenly Mother just as much as we are speaking about Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost when we reference God. When we talk about Heavenly Father we often do so without understanding that Heavenly Mother’s hand is in the blessings we receive and Her ears hear the prayers we pray.

In fact, in the April 1978 General Conference, Elder Neal A. Maxwell (then a member of the presidency of the 70 and later called the the Quorum of the 12) taught that:

“Finally, remember: When we return to our real home, it will be with the “mutual approbation” of those who reign in the “royal courts on high.” There we will find beauty such as mortal “eye hath not seen”; we will hear sounds of surpassing music which mortal “ear hath not heard.” Could such a regal homecoming be possible without the anticipatory arrangements of a Heavenly Mother?”

There are other references to Heavenly Mother throughout LDS Church teachings, but as Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley taught in October 1991 (when he was a member of the church presidency but not yet president of the church):

“Logic and reason would certainly suggest that if we have a Father in Heaven, we have a Mother in Heaven. That doctrine rests well with me….[However]…we have no revealed knowledge [of her].”

My heart aches at that statement.

The LDS church is founded on the believe and claim that continuing revelation did not end with the Bible and that truth continues, even to this day, to be restored to the Earth. We believe that “[God] will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” Surely the doctrines surrounding Heavenly Mother are one of those things.

As a Mormon woman seeking for truth and desiring to know more about who I am, what my role is in both mortality and Eternity and especially as I learn Salvation, I want to know more about my Mother. I want to know who She is. I want to see Her hand in my life. I want to know the ways She is preparing me for my return and how she is preparing the heavens on my behalf. I know she is.

So as I approach General Conference I am praying for even just a glimpse of my Heavenly Mother. I know She is real and I am certain Her presence will be at General Conference just as I believe my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ will be. I am praying that the speakers words will reflect that. I know that I’m not alone in this.

As women of God throughout the world, we really should want to know both our Heavenly Parents. Mormonism is a religion of Revelation. I’m praying that we receive more this weekend.

Observing Lent

Standard

One of the elements of my faith that I love the most is that all truth is considered part of the LDS gospel. It’s a concept I wrote about almost a year ago. Reviewing that post was a timely reminder for me as I begin my Lenten Season.

Ash Wednesday was yesterday and I again missed Mass due to work to my sadness. One year I am going to get to go.

I started observing Lent in an effort to increase the value of my Easter worship. Unlike Christmas, I feel like Easter has a habit of sneaking up on me. There is no long lead up and very little religious observance prior to Easter. There’s just the commercialism that appears a few weeks before and then suddenly: Easter Day. And then it is over.

Easter is the crowing event of all of human history. It is the fulfillment of the promises of Christmas and, for Mormons, of a premortal existence. It is the singular event from which we can draw hope for Eternal Lives and Salvation through Christ. Without Easter, the whole world would be utterly wasted.

And yet, in the Mormon world, in some Christian religions and in the secular world, Easter is a mere blip, one day and then gone. This is part of why I have fallen in love with Lent.

Lent extends Easter observance to over 40 days prior to Easter day. Catholics and some other reform sects of Christianity (Lutherans, Methodists, Anglicans and Presbyterians in particular) fast for 40 days (the Sundays that fall during this period are excluded).

While some fast from meals (As I understand it, Catholic rules limit meals to only one full meal a day although snacks are allowed), many fast from something else, giving up a bad habit, something they enjoy or something that they feel keeps them from being closer to God. Others still don’t “give up” something but instead use this time to create a good habit. Many do some combination of the three.

Some consider this fasting period to be in similitude of Jesus Christ’s 40 day fast in the wilderness.

In considering what I want to fast from during Lent, I try to pick something that will be a challenge, but not impossible, that takes my current situation into account (for example, while I was pregnant I gave up something easier to sacrifice because I was already having a very difficult time being pregnant) and that will draw my mind to the Savior repeatedly – something that I will think about regularly-ish. It is so easy in my busy, go-always world to forget my covenants to “always remember Him.” Lent helps me do that better.

It’s become an important part of my Easter observation and has enriched and blessed my life. I try very hard to only add good things to my life. Lent is one of them.

I’d love to hear your Lent stories. What have you given up in the past? What are you fasting from this year? How has it enriched your life? Questions? Clarifications? Comment below!

What half a decade looks like

Standard

Well… I’ve officially been married for five years. That’s half a decade and almost a full 1/5 of my life (for those of you who are good at math, yes, that makes me about 25 and yes, that means I got married young).

In some ways five years feels like a very short period of time, which it is, and also feel like a eternity, which it can be.

In the last five years, we have: lived in four different apartments in three cities, held a collective 10 different jobs, attended three different schools, gotten 2 degrees (and DH is almost done with another), owned at least six different cell phones and three computers, bought a house and three cars, paid off about $10,000 of debt, driven over 10,000 miles in vacation road trips, made dozens of trips between Idaho Falls and Salt Lake and had a baby. We have had incredible ups and downs, easy and tough times. We’ve done for richer and for poorer and for practically broke. We’ve seen each other through all sorts of things.

Marriage has been both my biggest trial and my biggest blessing, second only to parenthood.

Five years ago, I married my sweetheart after a whirlwind romance. He was sweet and respectful and honest and dang persistent. He invested in me and invested in my family. He was not my “type”, he was not what I thought I wanted at all but he was good and somehow he stole my heart. I was smart and beautiful and engaging and ambitious and he was not intimidated by me (or if he was, he didn’t let that scare him off).

We’d dated before, for nearly a year in high school, but I never thought I’d marry him (and said as much when someone asked me). I was in high school for crying out loud and honestly, when we dated in high school I planned on not getting married (although I do remember thinking he was the kind of guy who could change my mind).

I don’t think we were each others’ “soul mates”. But that was ok. We chose each other. We were blissfully naive and we thought we loved each other.

After we got married all of the differences that make us compliment each other so well now caused us to clash horribly. We struggled and learned how to work together, how to argue without fighting and how to rely on the strength of the Atonement and our temple covenants. Sometimes just by sheer stubbornness we have gotten through things I hope to never repeat but I would never wish didn’t happen.

In the last five years I have learned to be softer, to be kinder, to serve more willingly, to be more forgiving and less judgmental. I have learned that love and patience makes it easier to change than rejection and nagging. I have learned that there are many qualities that makes someone deserve respect. I have learned that God is the best ally in a marriage and that no marriage can succeed without strength borrowed from Heaven. I have learned that sometimes appreciating differences is more important than sharing similarities. I have found that not all pushing is overt and that sometimes a good example is the most powerful motivator.

Five years ago, across an altar in an LDS temple, we committed ourselves to each other and to God for time and all eternity with as much certainty and devotion as two 21 year old kids can. After five years, I can’t believe how much I have learned about what love really means and how much more I love my husband. I’m sure after 10 years, 50 years and 500 years I will feel the same about today and I do now about our wedding day.

To me, celebrating an anniversary isn’t about celebrating the day you got married. It’s about celebrating the life you’ve created in the time since and it’s about celebrating who you’ve become together.

Five years ago, on a very snowy, cold Idaho winter day, I married one of the best men I knew. Today he is still one of the best men I know. I’m so thankful for him and the five years behind us and the eternity before us. I’m looking forward to what’s ahead as I walk, hand in hand with my eternal companion.