How to not fit in flawlessly

If I knew how to do anything flawlessly, I would write a book and sell millions of copies to desperate people trying to learn how to do whatever it was so flawlessly.

However, I have learned more and more how to not fit in with ease.

As I said in my introduction, I’m sort of an anomaly. I don’t really fit in to any one stereotype. I’m not crunchy, but some of my choices are. I’m a Mormon, but I am frequently frustrated by the shortsightedness of many of the members of my faith, reject much of “Mormon culture” and have been accused of being “mutli-denominational” and sounding more like a traditional Evangelical Christian than a Latter-day Saint one. Simultaneously, I believe strongly in many new-age hippie ideas and see no contradiction between them and my religion. I am an avowed feminist, but am very anti-feminist movement and am an anti-environmentalist environmentalist.

With all of these contradictions and non-conventions in my life, I’ve spend a good deal of my life not fitting in.

It has not always been easy. I have been pushed by all sorts of people and sometimes it would have been easier to just fold into some mold.

Instead, I have struggled on my own way, taking what is good to me and leaving behind what is not. I am forging my own way. I am becoming a wise woman, trusting me and God together.

I remember my midwife saying to me about 5 months ago that I would make my own path. That’s a large part of why I picked Cathy to help me deliver my baby (little did I know how little help I would need!). She trusted me more than the others I talked to and helped me to trust myself.

And I am not minding not fitting in so much anymore.

That doesn’t mean it’s not hard. It doesn’t mean I don’t walk away from things wondering “Did they like me? Did I come on too strong? Maybe I should’ve tempered that a little bit…” And then I remind myself, No. I am who I am. I try not to be preachy or brash because I don’t want to be that kind of person, but I am not going to hide who I am. If they like me they like me. If not, oh well.

I am genuine and strong and smart and good at being me. I don’t fit in. I don’t even know how. But I am becoming confident in not fitting in.

It’s a skill I hope to pass on to my children. Fitting in is overrated. And if you are happy with how you are, especially when you are different, people wonder why. And then you have a chance to share.

And that is how to not fit in flawlessly.

Monkey and the Doctor

K… so this is officially a Mommy blog with this post.

Baby Monkey and I went to the doctor today. We saw a nice pediatrician who was recommended to me by a handful of “birthy” acquaintances and an alternative-minded friend.

He was great. He checked her out, asked if I had any concerns, listened to me, provided feedback and responded to my comments.

When I asked about vaccines (he did not just expect to vaccinate my child) and he said “I’m pretty flexible. It’s your choice.” He didn’t try to make me feel like a bad parent because I am hesitant about vaccines.

That was so refreshing, which is really, really sad.

Like many parents, I have serious questions about vaccines and what the real effects are on children.

What are the risks? What are the benefits? What are the long-term effects? Are there independent studies (not government or pharmaceutical company funded)? What is actually in each of these vaccines? What is the reporting accuracy of VAERS? What are the “must-have” vaccines and what is really unnecessary? Are there less risky options that accomplish the same goal?

These are the questions we should be able to ask our children’s doctors and we shouldn’t be vaccinating our kids until we have good answers.

Unfortunately, too many medical professionals aren’t willing to ask these questions or even have a parent ask them.

The first appointment I tried to set up was with the pediatric clinic just down the street from where we live. They wouldn’t see us because I am unwilling to vaccinate “on schedule” unless someone can answer these questions for me.

A lot of parents run into similar problems. I live in a metro area and so I have other options. But what about parents in more isolated areas? What happens when their choice is to vaccinate or not ever see a doctor?

In the end, Monkey is perfectly healthy. I knew she was healthy. I didn’t really need to take her to the doctor except that my insurance requires it to keep my rate (that’s a rant for a different day).

It was a new experience for both me and Monkey and honestly sort of fun and interesting.

I had the sort of experience every doctor should give their patients. So I will go back for her 6 and 12 month checkups. But thank goodness I have options.

By way of introduction…

By way of introduction, this is probably a “mommy blog”. I swore I would not ever write a mommy blog. I have actually made fun of mommy bloggers a lot (as if I don’t have better things to do with my life…) But I think this might be a mommy blog.

This project was not really my idea, but encouraged by some of the people at work. I haven’t been able to shake it, so I thought I would give it a try instead.

It probably won’t be your typical mommy blog, probably because I’m not your typical mommy.

One of the guys who works “for” me says he appreciates my contradictions the most. I think he means that I’m not normal and, for as not normal as I am, I come across surprisingly normal.

For example, I’m a “career mom” – a full time working mother – who originally intended on quitting my job the second my husband was done with school. I loved my job, but couldn’t wait to quit. It’s interesting to see how my desires and beliefs have evolved over the last few years. One day I hope to quit my job, to stay at home with my children full time as we homeschool them. But I also really love the work that I do and am pragmatic about how much my husband can make working in EMS, which he loves. I’m not rushing to quit my job and I’m thankful for the research that’s showing how working women bless their children’s lives, especially their daughters’. I’m also thankful for the kind of partnership it requires between my husband and I, where neither of us is the sole breadwinner or the sole housekeeper.

Another example, I appear relatively un-crunchy. My baby wears regular diapers and I often joke “We’re republicans. We don’t recycle” (we’re not really republicans…). I don’t buy organic food and I often buy my clothes from Walmart (even though I know better). And yet, I use essential oils, herbs and homeopathics, shun vaccines and had my baby girl at home.

I also firmly believe in karma, that you get back what you give out. I think energy is very powerful and that caring for your chakras is important. And I find no contradiction between these things and my Latter-day Saint (Mormon) faith.

Politically, I’m a conservative but I flatly reject the title of Republican. I am technically a registered republican in the state of Utah, but the day I registered I think I died a little bit inside. I don’t believe in political parties. I don’t believe in playing politics. I believe in principles and I believe that you rise or fall on your principles.

I feel like my life is a series of contradictions. And apparently some people think it’s interesting. Or they wouldn’t have encouraged me to blog about it.

I tend to get pretty outspoken on things that matter. I worry that my outspokenness might cause people not to listen to me as much. I don’t want to be seen as a know-it-all. Yet, I keep sharing. In fact, I really struggle to keep my mouth shut. You probably know exactly who I am withing 10 minutes of meeting me and exactly what I think just by watching me. And ultimately I’m ok with that.